Shelley's 16th Birthday

Coming up on the end of my Shellerina's 16th birthday. I'm thanking God for the blessing He formed in my belly all those years ago. I'm enjoying watching such a beautiful, smart, funny, wise young lady grow and bloom. I'm honored to have been given such a duty as to raise and cultivate such an important person.

My baby wants to be the one who helps with children's mental stability (and their parents). That's a huge duty because we know that if only some adults would have been helped with their issues as children then the root of some of their problems would be dug up enough to let them be productive citizens. My future Clinical Child Psychologist. “Yes, my daughter is a doctor.” will be so wonderful for me to say. Just fabulous. (-:

I still remember that perfectly round face and big eyes. You were such a pretty baby. The chunkiest of chunkies....lol No wrists, no knees, no elbows, just creases and dimples. You were such an old lady, so well spoken. You spoke in full clear comprehensible sentences at 1 1/2 years old. You were writing your name, you knew all your colors and shapes and alphabet at 3 years old. You were reading books at 4 years old. You were so small but so smart. I've always been very proud of you. I am very proud of who I see you becoming.

It's been my mission as a mom to know that I've produced children that will grow to be so much better than I am. Both naturally and spiritually. I want you guys to do so much more than I ever could or would do. I want you to be so much more than I have ever been. Stronger, more talented, smarter, more poised, well versed, more cultured. Me to the 10th power. (-: I don't expect perfection but I do expect greatness.

I look forward to seeing the woman that you’ll become because I'm enjoying watching the steps in the progress. I love you ShelleyBelle. Happy Birthday. Thank you for helping me be a great mom.

for Quashwn - on your 18th birthday

Quashwn

on your 18th birthday

July 29, 2009

By Your Mom

As I sit back and think about how big this day is I have so many thoughts.

This is a key birthday on your path to manhood, a key date on your road to greatness. I feel so much pride in who you’re becoming.

I can still remember the day you made me a mommy. 52 hours of labor. They didn’t want to give a minor a C-Section so I endured the contractions with the family coming in shifts until you decided you couldn’t be in there any longer. Your heart rate dropped and Dr. Gandhi said, “Okay let’s get him out of there.”

Your life I held in my hands and at a mere 17 years old and I still didn’t minimize the importance. You fully and completely relied on me for every single thing you could ever need. All your nourishment, even while you grew inside of me. I ate what you needed to sustain your life. I rested to restore myself to carry you for 9 months +2 weeks.

God entrusted your very existence to me. Wow!

God placed and cultivated the little, beautiful, dimpled, mustached, happy, gift in my belly and I named him Quashwn. I said, “I’m going to make the name up because I want my baby to be unique, I want my baby to be different.” You are.

You are also

Leader

Strong

Loving

Kind

Funny

Persistent

Perceptive

Intelligent

The greatest 18 year old young man there is

I love you so much. I’m trying not to punk up and cry. I am proud of who you are and who you are becoming. God has a great work for you to do and I am so glad he let me play a part in it.

~ Yo Mama ~

Catherine E. Paige

I Trust You

I Trust You

Lord...Your will is so high, so wide, so vast and so broad that my mind can’t wrap around it.

Your thoughts are higher than mine. Your ways are higher than mine.

When I sit and think of all I’ve been through, I know that you were there and have been here all along.

You guide and shepherd me in the direction I’m afraid to go in and You reassure me that You are there.

You make me step up to higher standards and tell me You’re there to guide.

You wait for me to call You and I call on others in error but You are still there when I realize.

You’re the One who loved me first.
You’re the One who is always there.
You have never left me nor forsaken me. Ever.
You are ever loving, ever faithful, ever providing and all knowing, I am grateful.

I Trust You Lord.

Today Is My Birthday (You may be sick of hearing about it...lol)

Today is my actual birthday. I’ve already been writing and sharing, but this is the actual bornday. This is one of my happiest birthdays ever, my 35th. Doing more thinking than usual so I figured I’d share. Again…lol

Last night I was pushing out some ideas in Photoshop at about 12:30a, building on one of my dreams and feeling quite great about it. I realized hey, it’s my birthday. I smiled and said thank You Lord my birthday came while I was working a gift You gave me. That made me feel wonderful. After that I got a text from my crazy brother that said Happy Birthday Lil Old Lady. Made me giggle. I love my family. Got in the bed about 1:30a, which is pretty normal for me.

When I opened my eyes this morning I smiled and said thank You Lord for another year and then I started mapping out my day. Laying there I was thinking about what I want to wear...something complimentary and of course purple. The texts and phone calls from my loved ones started. I’m just grinning and grinning. I love LOVE. Got dressed, put a lil sparkle on my eyes, no foundation, put on my wedges. I looked in the mirror and said…so this is what 35 looks like? My lawd, that's goot! I FEEL MARVELOUS. Walked out the door with my sanctified swaggah on 100+, feeling like I could stop traffic. Got in the car and James Fortune & FIYA was singing “I owe all my worship to You. Lord, I don’t deserve all the things that You do.” And my mind went right there. Cut the radio off and just started praising Him.

Lord I thank You for 35 years of life. You wake me up every single day without fail and without getting tired of doing it. 35 years of Your mercy and grace. 35 years of You giving me good health, strength and healing. 35 years of You never leaving me or forsaking me. I am so grateful. 35 years of You waiting for me to get it right. Your mercy is everlasting. You didn’t get tired of waiting for me to love You the way You created me to. I am just so grateful. You've loved me every single solitary day of my life, unconditionally, even when I didn't love myself so much. I am humbled by Your love.

Happy Birthday to me because of Your love, grace and mercy.

My Birthday Reflections - 2009

My Birthday Reflections - 2009

On Tuesday I will be the Big 35. Three and one half decades. I’m trying to figure out why so many women dreaded getting to this age. Is this what middle age feels like??? Or is middle age 40? Whatever it is I’m proud of my age. I feel great. I look pretty good, trying to take better care of my bawdee (body said dramatically), eating better, majorly blessed. I was thinking, as usual, about this thing called life and all it’s many moving pieces.

Thinking about the stories my mom told me about when I was born. During pregnancy she fell. Off to Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital – Camden NJ. She was about 6 ½ months pregnant with me, I decided I wanted out so I made my first appearance. The doctor told her I probably would not make it through the night. I weighed around 4 pounds. I had jaundice, a liver that was too small and many other medical issues. Medical technology was not what it is now. My mom said that the doctor stayed with me all night and she stayed up praying. I was a survivor then and I still am. God's hand was on me.

35 years later…I gave birth to 4 strong healthy children-by cesarean section at that, lived through many trials and hardships, missed meals, lived on food stamps and welfare, served my country, had many many jobs, lost everything in a flood, lived through domestic abuse, and had many metamorphoses. I AM A SURVIVOR, an over-comer, a conqueror; I have continued to exist in spite of the many adversities that have come in my life.

It seems I have had to fight to live ever since my first breath. Nothing has been given to me easily. I’ve been working since I was 14, a mother since I was 17 and it’s been a serious struggle but I finally got it now. After years of trying to succeed through people and things I know that the only success that I’ll have is through the hands of God. I thought it would be the people I connect to or the things I accumulate or income that would prosper me. These are vehicles but God is the source.

Now at 35 I have many friends and a wonderful family. My kids are the funniest, smartest, greatest children in the world. Even though I have so many people around me, I feel like I’m in an isolation phase. It’s not a bad phase. I know it’s preparation and fine tuning. I talk to God more now than before. I know it’s only temporary. I know it’s making me.

So many thoughts I don’t want to get jumbled or rambled. It’s just me admiring my emotional scenery…lol I am at peace. I want to move forward. I know I am destined to succeed. I am a queen, the beloved child of the King. I have generations coming after me that will need the things that I birth out, the strength I instill, the things I will produce.

I am so excited about what God has for me next, in this 35th year because I have grown from faith to trust. I trust Him and life is moving into the realm of where He created me to be. It’s on me and I’m on it....Happy Birthday To Me.

I don’t want to see the faces

I don’t want to see the faces.
That’s kind of a weird way to say it but
I don't want to see people for the superficial.

I come across the paths of different people,
Different walks of life, different shapes and sizes.
Diverse backgrounds, income levels and cultures
But I don’t want to see the faces.

What I mean by that is I want to get to the heart of it all.
It has nothing to do with my immediate desires or wants.
It has nothing to do with surface and immediate flesh responses.
I don’t want to deal with people in relation to any of that.

People deal with others because of so many different reasons
Who they are…
How they met…
What they can offer them…
What they have…
Who they are in a social circle with…
How much money they make…

I don’t want to see the faces.
I want to see people by things much deeper
This means I won’t deal with you differently, regardless of what’s going on
This means I’ll try and cut through to the marrow

Do you see ME?
I try and do good even though I know I fall short sometimes
Do you see me?
Not my face, my height, where I work, what I do
Even though these are all parts of me…Do you really see me?

I’m hiding, from the darts in the eyes
I’m hiding, from the words that are like arrows
I’m hiding, in the comfort of Jesus.
I’m hiding so that only people with the eyes of Christ can really see me

I don’t want to see the faces I want to see the heart.

Ms. Cat – 02/06/2009

I am queen

I am a queen. Not with conceit or a puffed up perception of myself. Not with a haughty ignorance.

My queendom is through birthright, bloodline and experience. I am a queen with humbleness of heart and humility under God’s rule alongside His people. I bow before Him.

Each of us has our own province to rule over.

I am a daughter of the The King of kings. I was born once and then again with the blood of the Lamb of God running through my veins. I am an heir to the throne. God’s Omnipotence is in me.

I am a daughter of a queen. She birthed and raised 5 strong, smart, healthy kings and queens, sometimes alone. She raised us to stay in the Kingdom of God and sing for Him with all of our hearts. She is diligent, devoted, comical and the wife of a king.

I am the daughter of a king. I watch my earthly father work and pray in the Kingdom of God. He’s doing what The King created him to do. He is a king that loves his family and is strong in faith and rules his kingdom well.

I have given birth to 2 kings and 2 queens. They were created and are being groomed to rule their dominion with excellence and integrity. They are being cultivated to serve in the Kingdom of God with their whole hearts. Their worth is priceless and their talent, immeasurable.

I was created to be the wife of a king. I was created to be the helpmate, the lover, the encourager, the sweet word sayer, the builder, the nourisher, the nurturer, the prayer connection, the strength replenisher, the Godly beautiful lady standing at the side of her king.

I am queen in the way that I treat the people around me. Every single person I deal with is important. They have their own domain to rule over. Each person we come across has their own issues. Other people in the Kingdom have the same bloodline as I do. If we are all a part of one body, how can I diminish their worth without reducing my own? If we know who we are and Who’s we are then we would be less likely to let others drop our standards or be able to discount how we see ourselves.

In talking to some people I realize that folks have a problem with people having ‘too much confidence’ or call people conceited, simply for acknowledging the wonderfulness they see in themselves. This includes me hearing someone call a 3 year old conceited for admiring himself and how he looked in his suit. If we don’t see the richness in ourselves from not only being born of such an awesome and mighty King but also in recognizing our own potential and self-worth, then no one will see it.

I know who I am. I am queen.

By Ms. Cat - 02/02/2009

My Heart Put Me On The Right Track

My Heart Put Me On The Right Track

Just sitting and reflecting, like I always do.

While doing some heart searching I come to realize the reality of where I am right now. My main concern and focus is to just get more of God. To get closer to God. To seek His face. To seek His will for me.

Anything I accomplish is additional blessing. The core and nucleus of my very being is to seek God, His Kingdom, His will, His wisdom, His beauty, His joy.

I was thinking about how some things that mattered so much to me just a few months ago don’t even give me pause right now. I’m not even entertaining some things like I used to. I just want more of Jesus. And I feel so much peace, I feel so much love. I am centered. I am blessed.

My heart is not turned toward running and trying to obtain that house, that car, that man, that money. My heart’s desire is to be pleasing to God. Of course I’m grinding as always, I’m working, constantly thinking, looking for more outlets, writing down more ideas, researching more, but when I think about everything I know I see that God is the driving force, the strength, the core, the focus.

Matthew 6:33 says “…seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”

It just amazes me that my heart put me on the right track.

Ms. Cat - 01/26/2009

Inaugural 2009 - This Is a Stamp In History, For Our Future.

Trying to find the words to express this elation. (-:

I am optimistic. I am watching, listening, hearing, and feeling this event.
My nerves are on edge. My heart is overwhelmed.
I’m floating on cloud 9. I am filled with pride, joy and hope.
I know the potency of this moment in history, for the future.
I feel the importance of this moment for me, my children, my people, everyone.

Thinking of the prejudice I’ve endured, the ‘down the nose’ looks, the stereotypical interaction I’ve dealt with.
Thinking about the mistreatment I’ve weathered, simply because of my skin.
Thinking of what people have gone through, for our rights, for our equality.
Thinking of the powerful words of Dr. King and what he went through.
Thinking of Emmet Till, slavery, segregation, corporate america’s tilted scale.

Watching a man of integrity, gracefully take on the enormous weight to lead an entire country.
Watching how he is with his family, loving his beautiful wife, fathering his children.
Watching him serve as he leads the world.
Watching a nation’s flow and perception change.

Praying for protection for a man that has sparked hope in the eyes of many.
Praying for his wisdom.
Praying for hearts to be softened and minds to be changed.
Praying for God’s anointing to be on our President, Barack Obama.

Pure Inspiration. This is a stamp in history, for our future.

Yes we can be what we want to be. YES!

I often encourage my kids. I tell them that they can be whatever they put their minds to being. I tell them that there is no such thing as impossibility. I told my baby boy the other night that I think he is great like Barack Obama and he was so impressed and proud. He can relate to Barack. Now he can connect to the being able to be the President.

Oddly enough…no one’s been coming to my desk today. (-: