Hit the Reset Button

Hit the Reset Button

I have great memories of working in IT. I was the only on-hand technical support person for a major insurance agency in 1999. We were preparing for a very terrifying Y2K. If anyone remembers the utter and complete chaos that surrounded computers during that time, then you understand the continuous movement and pressure of my duties. It was actually one of the best corporate time periods for me because of the daily and aggressive learning. It was very challenging and very rewarding. The end user solutions were normally small or easy for me but HUGE to the person having the problem. I always seemed like a magician when in all actuality I only pushed the cord into the monitor tighter or replaced the surge protector. I was always grateful for being rewarded with lunch or a thank you card but it was not rocket science.

I can tell you what I remember most. Whenever someone called me about their computer malfunctioning one of my first questions was always "Have you rebooted your system?" or "When was the last time you reset your system?" What is even more interesting, simply resetting the computer solved the majority of the problems that they were calling me about. People would call me near an emotional breakdown but by end of the call they would be thanking me profusely, merely because I told them to reboot. That was amazing to me.

I read the origin of the terms reset and reboot. There are some interesting facts in the history of both terms. There are also so many versions, explanations, types. I had no idea because it is common enough of a term for me to not have been concerned with a specific definition. The term reboot actually came from a phrase having to do with bootstraps. I thought it had to do with kick-starting. Here is an excerpt that I found pretty cool:

"Tall boots may have a tab, loop or handle at the top known as a bootstrap, allowing one to use fingers or a boot hook tool to help pulling the boots on. The saying "to pull oneself up by one's bootstraps" was already in use during the 19th century as an example of an impossible task. The idiom dates at least to 1834. It appeared in a comment on metaphysical philosophy: "The attempt of the mind to analyze itself [is] an effort analogous (similar) to one who would lift himself by his own bootstraps." Bootstrap as a metaphor, meaning to better oneself by one's own unaided efforts. This metaphor spawned additional metaphors for a series of self-sustaining processes that proceed without external help."

Interesting. So the origin of the term comes from a physical process that turned into a metaphor that spawned into a universal term for computers, phones, game consoles, etc. Rebooting essentially starts an automatic, not externally aided process of steps that refresh a system. It refreshes, it clears, it restarts. "You will lose all unsaved data." is a warning that pops up on most screens. Losing all of the data in my heart system that I deem useless could help me to hold to what actually matters and be able to, keep it moving, forgive and move on without keeping the weight of the heart malware.

While I feel like I am constantly hitting a reset button of some sort in my life. it’s more of a testament to where my life and mind are. Honestly sometimes I wish parts of my heart had a reset button. I would be like …Oh no, that hurt, Ctrl + Alt + Delete. I would scream out, "DO OVER!", hit the reset button and it would delete the unnecessary stuff, the hurtful things. I realized, these painful things that I sometimes wish that I didn’t have to endure actually make me stronger, but more importantly they help me appreciate the good things, the sweet things, the small blessings. The reset button clears out the clutter and helps me choose to save what’s needed and let the other things drop off.

My main reset button is prayer. The other day it was warm sunshine and my Robert Glasper CD playing. My reset button can be anything, rest, singing, listening to calming music or talking to one of my wise sisterfriends. Your reset button is what makes you feel refreshed, encouraged and able to move forward. My birthday is going to be a big ginormous reset button. I do not have concrete plans yet but I am consciously going to reset and refresh physically and emotionally. So when you feel overwhelmed or like things in your internal life system are misfiring, hit your reset button.

Transitions

Transitions

I realized some time ago that I am a creature of habit.  I can drive the exact same route everyday without growing bored of it as long as I know it’s a good way.  I like predicting my basic outcomes, it equates to foundational stability to me.  I can drink the very same thing every single day without fail and not grow weary of it.  Lime Perrier or Pellegrino with lime.  Morning blend coffee, one Splenda, 3 French Vanilla creamers.  Bengal Spice tea with honey.  Not many surprises.  I watch the same things on television, In the Heat of the Night, The Closer, Golden Girls, Cupcake Wars, Scandal, etc.  I am pretty predictable, boring to some people but I’m okay with it.  

Let me be clear though:  I AM NOT this way with food or dessert.  I am so very adventurous; I am the epitome of a chef and food enthusiast.  As a matter of fact, that’s a part of why I went to culinary school.  The utter excitement of tasting something new, whether at a restaurant or making it causes pure elation for me.

One thing for certain is that life is filled with change and transition.  Constant, seemingly non-stop life changes.  Normal things like:

• Birth to childhood to adolescence to adulthood to advanced aging. 
• School attendance to career maintenance to retirement. 
• Living the single life to blending married life to being widowed. 
• Being childless to being a parent to being an adviser of adult(s). 

Why is transitioning sometimes looked at as a negative occurrence?  If life is filled with constant transitions, why are people resistant to modifications and not more fluid about them?  I looked at my own rigidity and realized that change can be hard, especially for people that appreciate comfort.  Changes can be all consuming.  For instance, divorce changes just about everything, life patterns, normalities, thought processes. What helped me do better in this major change was realize that transition does not have to equate to instability.  Even growth and beautiful changes (think about the butterfly transformation) can come with discomfort but they are often celebrated and glorious. 

In corporate environments, transition management sometimes has departments dedicated to controlling change.  These departments are usually put in place to lessen the negative effects of major changes and to help in the flow of implementing company transformations with minimal effects to the bottom line.  That division's primary concern is helping to evolve a company and it’s people while preserving a stable corporate image.  Programs are put in place to preserve employee morale and focus on employee retention and engagement.  There is so much thought and effort put into transitioning that I wondered why we don’t do that with our own lives?

That led me to wonder… What would emotional transition management consist of in our personal lives?  Seems extravagant on the scale of a corporation but for people that hold stability at a high importance level, it might be a great thing to ponder.  While information gathering I came up with some dot points.

Checkpoints of transition:

1. Determine the need for change, or react to an impactful occurrence that is causing the transition – This is not always automatic.  When we are comfortable we often ignore the signs of needing change.
2. Prepare & plan for the transition – Set the parameters, envision the outcomes and imagine the possibilities. Map out the potential best and worst case scenarios... keep a vision board.
3. Implement the transition – Put the movement into ACTION.  Plans without implementation are simply dreams. 
4. Sustain the transition – Watch the after effects.  Re-calibrate if necessary.  Undo what you need to.

Right now, in my current state of life change, I am thinking about transitions in a more critical and in depth way.  None of this is comfortable, but my vision of how it will be in the end is amazing and that is what helps in keeping me focused and moving forward.

Stability

Stability

"A double minded man is unstable in all his ways." (James 1:8-KJV)

I hold stability and security at a high priority level in my heart. It is of utmost importance emotionally, in my career life, in my home life, with my children. Even now with transitioning in to being single again I still need stability and safety, maybe even more so. Am I perfect at it? Nope, not at all, but I look for ways to be better at it. I honestly love being consistent with people and being dealt with consistently, there is a comfort in it. I like giving clarity on how I feel and I like knowing what I am dealing with.

I have been looking at the roots and causes of why it is so important to me and it has been kind of cool examining it. I am a firm believer in evaluating and reevaluating normal thought processes. I realized a ton of things from my childhood that I had held as factual ended up being myths, urban legends and straight up lies so I tend to examine the basis of my beliefs, especially long-standing ones. I am looking at some of the driving dynamics from my childhood and current situations that give me fortification in my stance.

I used to wish I could be more inconsistent, I know that sounds crazy but I wanted to be more flippant with people. I used to want to mirror people’s dependability levels towards me. I finally got to a place where I evaluated the benefit of me being this way, without regard to whether someone returned the sentiment and I realized that it is a gift to be a dependable.  I love knowing that people can count on me and I am striving to be much better in this area, full speed ahead. 


To keep from hardening my heart when others don't respond I had to do one thing…. I had to eliminate my need for others to reciprocate. I did not decide to be a doormat or pushover; I know how to distance myself from people that do not value me. I decided to give simply because I want to and give what I would want in return, without conditions. I did not realize I was doing that. I would give love and attention as long as I felt it was coming back at an acceptable rate. I am not saying that if someone does not seem to want or desire my brand of friendship that I will not taper off, I’m not a stalker but it simply means I will give what is in my heart to give. Period, point blank.

Even though it often leaves me feeling lopsided because some people are not reciprocal, I do not see it as a flaw or something that I need to change. I know the strength in loyalty, focus, stability and commitment. I am honored to be anything like an anchor or stabilizing factor for anyone. Most of all, I realize that my reward for anything that I do with a clean heart is not in the person returning the virtue but in God seeing my heart. God is my Rewarder.

-Catherine Elizabeth