The Power in Letting Go...

The Power in Letting Go

“We attain freedom as we let go of whatever does not reflect our magnificence. A bird cannot fly high or far with a stone tied to its back. But release the impediment, and we are free to soar to unprecedented heights.” – Alan Cohen

This quote ‘gave me life’ the other day when I came across it.  So many times we hold on to people, places and things that keep us bogged down, because of history, some type of guilt, sometimes feelings of obligation.  We stay tied to them even if they keep us emotionally and spiritually tethered to weight that makes us unable to soar.  They may not mean any harm, it does not have to be intentional but being tied to things that stunt your growth and limit your drive should be evaluated and potentially severed or made to commit to improvement that enriches your life as well as theirs. I am finding now that once you get around people that make you excited about life, the ones that tap into your mental depth, you can never go back to being comfortable with the people do not.  It is difficult, if not impossible to go back to people that demotivate you, that consume you, the devourers of energy.  

I remember years ago saying to a family member that we should be in relationships with people that make us feel like we can do anything we put our minds to do, relationships that strengthen and push.  Our relationships should make us feel like we have wings.  Not just the Eros relationships, not just the male/female interactions, not just sexual relationships.
 
As I thought about the feeling of existence soaring that I described and previous relationships that I have had that it happened in, I realized how powerful that thought process is.  When you are around the right people they have a tendency to motivate you, whether subtly or outright, by words and deeds.  These people help you be aware of yourself, not just in pretty and flowery things but in corrective measures too.  The same thing exists on the flip side.  You can do so much damage connecting to people that make you feel defeated and depleted that if you don't get a hold of their influence their statements will become you.

I call this the emotional albatross.  There is an old adage that says, “an albatross around one's neck” which basically means there is something that you have done or are connected with that keeps causing you problems and stops you from being successful.  Another break down says:  something that one is associated with that keeps one from succeeding in what they want to achieve.

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”  ―Ann Landers

In my studying I came across tons of writings focusing on steps to letting go that it made me think: Wow, this must be a universal problem.  I started to think about hurdles and hindrances to letting go and there are numerous reasons both valid and invalid.  I want to give a shot at naming some steps that I gathered that are helping me.  

     1.       Acknowledgement, acceptance and admitting –

Sometimes the biggest deterrent to letting go is recognizing that letting go is the thing that is needed.  This can be tough.  It is a heart shift, a perception movement and can be life changing.  Instead of looking at this as a negative thing try to look at the beauty in it. Every major change that we make is an opportunity for us to live the lives that we are intended to live. 

Look at where you are; acknowledge the effects that the thing or person has caused that stopped you from living an abundant life, accept the real hard facts and admit that letting go is a need.  Take responsibility for your contributing factors.  Own what you did or did not do to cause or prevent anything that happened.

2.       Distance yourself for a while –

Take a few steps away physically and emotionally.  Try to get some clarity into what you are dealing with.  Sometimes we are so close to the situation that we cannot see it clearly.  Often times we are so emotionally charged that our decision making process is impaired. Step Back!

     3.       DO NOT glorify or romanticize the past –

This one is important.  Have you ever talked to someone and out of loneliness or lack they recall situations and people better than you know they were?  Sometimes people cling to the good parts of a situation and dismiss the bad parts.  They tend to do the “at least they weren’t…” and not remember that it was horrible.  Do not do this.  Yes, most situations have positive pieces to it but that does not mean it should be revisited or relived. 

     4.       Visualize your great future ahead –

This can be powerful.  Do not focus on your losses or what you will negatively need to process through, instead focus on the greater that is coming to you.  Focus on the positivity and joy that you will find and that will find you.  Focus on new friendships and rekindled healthy ones.  Think about the wonderful endless possibilities coming in to your life.  Let your heart smile about the completion of your healing.  Daily imagine a better you and the improved life ahead of you. 

     5.       Focus on prayer and centering yourself –

This should have been first because I feel it is most important.  Prayer and intimacy with God has a healing and cleansing quality that cannot be done with any other person. My faith in God, through some of the craziest times in my life, is what keeps me sane and centered.  My friendships and support system are amazing but my connection with God and faith in Him is everything. 

     6.       Change what you need to change –

You cannot change everything but know that change is necessary.  There is no need for guilt, a long drawn out process or an overly emotional production.  Change starts in the heart and mind.  Change the people, places and things that you need to, for your sanity.  It doesn’t matter what it is, if it makes you dwell on the past that you are trying to heal from, then you need to let it go.  It could be a toothbrush or a carpet in the living room.  Change it.  Easier said than done? Of course it is.  It is evident that you like that pizza because you’ve gone there every Friday for 7 years but there really are millions of other pizza shops in the world.  You may need to find another normal.

     7.       Call on your support system –

Go sit with a friend or family member, vent, get something to eat, go to the movies.  Welcomed distractions are important.  If you are discussing the situation make sure it is with trusted people and not the only thing you talk about, it should not overwhelm.  Talk to people that strengthen and encourage you but also make you see clearly.  Talk to the ones that you know will be honest and not only coddle you.  Even if you don’t want to talk about the situation specifically be around people that support you, for you. 

     8.       Be thankful –

Remember, you have things to be grateful for.  You are breathing and alive.  You are reading this so I can give you something to be thankful for:  The U.S. Department of Education and the National Institute of Literacy states that 32 million adults in the United States cannot read. That is 14 percent of the US population that is illiterate. Seek out things to be grateful for and… be grateful.
 
My opinion in this is...let yourself feel but don't let it overtake you.  Actually process your feelings, don’t just go through the motions.  Whether it is anger, hurt, joy…feel it and examine it.  Deeply and introspectively look at the big picture, the emotions, the effects, the good and the bad.

In the end ask yourself: Does this attachment bring peace?  Does this relationship assist in my overall betterment?  Does this connection build or take away from my stability?  Does this relationship consume more than it adds? 

If the bad outweighs the good and the negativity is engulfing your peace or wellbeing then decisions need to be made that only you can make.  The process of letting go is going to take ownership, focus, introspect, change, risk, and work.  But I pray that the more you let go of what is harming you, the stronger you will get.  There is power in letting go.