Gracefulness Under Pressure

Gracefulness Under Pressure

Pressure, pressure, pressure.  Everyday we are faced with pressure of some type.  This life can be a bit of a race.  I believe our victory is in more than just getting to the finish line.  We are victorious in HOW we get there.  Fight or flight.  Battles come, I can choose to fight through them or run in other directions.  I have done both more times than I can count.  In attempting to mature in life, I am focusing on my approach and response network during high-pressure periods. 

At the point of pressure engagement I can choose grace or disgrace.  For me there is not much middle ground in this.  Although I often fall short during pressure, I want to show and extend gracefulness, not because of me but because of God’s grace towards me.  It covers me. 

I love the word grace because it has so many meanings: simple elegance, refinement, poise, politeness, finesse.  Here is my favorite, in Christianity grace is the unmerited favor of God.  Grace under pressure simply means to remain calm and disciplined when life’s heavy stresses would cause you to unravel. 

Displaying grace under pressure takes courage and is not easy.  To me, having grace under pressure would mean:

• To remain silent when you would rather cuss people out
• To be kind when you have every right to act unseemly
• To try to find more tactful ways to articulate disagreement 
• To find ways to display love when faced with blatant disregard
• To show compassion even to people who seek to destroy your dignity

NONE of this is easy.  This is not in apathy or cowardice.  Knee-jerk reactions are easy, they don’t take much thought.  Being flippant and saying everything that comes to mind is easy, it does not take much self-control.  Pulling back and not saying the first thing you want to takes restraint and mental agility.  I want that gracefulness. 

I want the gracefulness that makes me pray for the people that treat me less than the Queen that I am.  I want the gracefulness that pushes me to be kind, even when I am dealing with people that do not deserve it, by the world’s standards.  I want to show gracefulness, not because of weakness but because of strength.  Gracefulness under pressure, fire and heaviness.  Gracefulness that is not circumstantial or situational.  

A continuous state of gracefulness.

Check the Trigger

Check the Trigger

I recently watched a MadTV parody that made fun of social sensitivity and the overuse of the term “trigger word”.  Although they were being extremely comical about it, it made me think about a few things concerning my own triggers.  As I attempted to do some studying on the term I came across tons of references to triggers connected to traumatic experiences.  I will not focus solely on negative triggers although they tend to get the most focus and the most drastic responses.  Triggers are not all bad.  For instance, the smell of brownies baking can trigger fond memories of your childhood or the smell of freshly cut grass might calm you, or the scent of a particular cologne may make you feel heart warmth.  These are all potentially good triggers.  

In my research, I realized that the term trigger is very far-reaching and broad.  I want to focus on a narrow area of it.  A trigger can be defined as any act or event that serves as a stimulus and initiates or precipitates a reaction or series of reactions.  Now this is where, to me, there is a fork in the road because that is really an expansive statement.  I simply want to focus on knowing and acknowledging what we CAN control in regards to our triggers.  Ownership. 

I understand that sometimes when triggers are activated it is usually unexpected and feels beyond our control.  That does not give us space to be irrational, unkind, and dismissive or any other negative reaction often justified as response.  We cannot always choose our triggers but we can control our responses.  To change our automatic responses we must first identify them and proactively posture ourselves when they arise.  We need to consistently and aggressively manage our own response network. 

Sometimes we give too much power to the past.  We give too much mental real estate to people and things that are not a part of our now.  We should not be content with reacting to circumstances with old defense mechanisms.  We have to learn to manage through our triggers. 

On the flip-side, sometimes we don’t give enough focus or energy to positive triggers, we don’t explore those constructive internal enablers.  Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative.  Examine the motivational triggers, the happy triggers.  I am exploring what triggers spike my ‘good’ responses and proactively trying to be around them more and the negative ones less.  This is taking diligence but feels like it is worth it.  I hope that I am changing my normal for the better.

“Triggers can be like little psychic explosions that crash through avoidance and bring the dissociated, avoided trauma suddenly, unexpectedly, back into consciousness.”
― Carolyn Spring

Heart Be Still…

Heart Be Still…

For me stillness is difficult because my mind runs a mile a minute.  This is part of the reason why I don’t sleep like normal people do.  When I sit still my mind starts racing, reminiscing, analyzing and replaying EVERYTHING.  Sometimes I attribute it to loneliness but the fact of the matter is I have been sleeping alone for many years now.  I know it is much more than that.  At night, in the quietness, when the television is off and I am not reading or re-reading texts (the best texts I read 3-4 times)... when I am not reading email, not on Facebook or Instagram or Pinterest or Tumblr I am usually searching my heart and really deeply thinking.  Undistracted.  Reviewing life sometimes helps me unravel deeply rooted principles that I need to either toss or fortify. 

The mental race begins… What could I have done differently?  Should I have done this?  Should I have said that?  Why didn’t I try harder?  Should I bring that up now?  Did I hurt their feelings? Why do I feel like that towards so and so?  On and on and on and on. *like Erykah Badu*

I would think everyone struggles with this sometimes.  When this happens it is not normally regret-laden but just a reconciling of my heart and mind.  I believe this is a part of self-awareness.  When I know that I need to get to the point of stillness I try to push myself through the loudness of my thoughts.  I want to break this heart process into 4 parts… 

Retrospective, Introspective, Stillness, Perspective 

1. Retrospective – Defined as “looking back on, contemplating or directed at the past.”  This gets intimidating sometimes because even though hind sight can be 20/20 remembrance can also be a stretched or yeasted version of the truth.  We are all human.  I have some very vivid memories going back as far as pre-kindergarten but they are usually driven by my own idiosyncratic behaviors.  During this stage I try to remember what actually happened.  I try to take my own personal spin and flavor out.  I try to look at situations in a more neutral, unemotional way.  This point helps me try to see things from other people’s points of view. 
2. Introspective – Defined as “the act of observing or examining one's own mental and emotional state, mental processes, etc.; the act of looking within oneself.”  This one tends to be difficult.  It is when I do a bare bones, naked, undelusional, untainted, deep, critical assessment of my own thoughts, motives, desires…. my heart.  This is when I rebuke myself for dumb choices, when I cry over stupid decisions.  I try to stay at this point without randomly jumping all over the place, no mental domino effect.  I try to recall things and not pollute it with thoughts or blame on others or on any outside driving forces.  Just me.  Yes, that person’s actions may have changed my trajectory but this part is for me to look at my own heart, my response network, my intentions. Raw.
3. Stillness – I feel this is the most important part. Be still.  Calm your heart.  Calm your mind.  Breathe.  Stop thinking.  Let everything steep and prep you for healing.  Sidebar:  Stillness is the part of prayer for so many years I skipped.  I was so focused on knowing and studying the process of prayer, I didn’t want to get it wrong.  Are the proper steps to ask for forgiveness, worship, thank God, then make my requests or does thankfulness come before worship?  Am I expressing this eloquently enough?  Did I worship long enough?  I never got to the part where I shut up and listen for the answer.  I am away from the ritualistic Pomp and Circumstance altogether now but I recognize the importance of the stillness.  For me it is necessary and tough because my thoughts are so very loud. 
4. Perspective – Defined as “a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.”  One of the most life changing things David G. Evans has ever said to me is “Experience forms perception.”  Three words that not only helped me adjust my outlook but it helped my heart posture towards my recollections on life.  I realized our experience is what it is, we typically cannot change or avoid some experiences but it is when we give it the power to FORM how we see things in life that is the impact.  We need to glean everything we possibly can from the experiences of this life, but how we let things change our general perspective is paramount.  After the retrospect, introspect and stillness ultimately I have to decide how everything I processed is going to affect my mental filters.  How am I going to let these experiences change how I view life itself?  I believe this is the crossroad point that determines whether a person becomes bitter or better after negative experiences. 

-Catherine Elizabeth

Three Things...

Three Things…

I guess I am more of an extremist than I had previously thought.  It seems as if I am pushed to write when I am extremely happy or after an extreme low.  Today is unfortunately the latter, but in a positive way.  Yesterday I received some devastating news that had me thinking about going to get some hard liquor. I have not had a drink of alcohol since 1997 so you can imagine how tragic that could have gone.  I suffered such an emotional hit that it had me seriously contemplating doing some things simply to make my flesh feel better.  That’s a dangerous heart spot to be in. 

I am very grateful that when I get in those low spots that they do not last long.  Now that I am re-motivated and have an emotional grip on myself, I can share.  I came up with three things that helped me work through this rough spot. 

The three reasons NOT to stay depressed were in the form of my perspectives…
Up, out, and in.

1^st – UP        My Upward Heart-Gaze.  I don’t stay down long because of my faith in God.  I always draw back to that.  That is my center.  I am too chaotic and sinful to solely look to myself for strength.  I am NOT PERFECT but I believe that He is, so I draw from that when I am at my weakest. 

2^nd – OUT     My Outward Cry.  I have some of the most amazing friends on earth.  I called one sisterfriend to whine about my bad news.  She let me cry a bit, she spoke life into the situation and she ended our conversation with heartfelt prayer. Then I shared the bad news with my select few, my Mansion Family.  The reactions were from just straight savage/ready to fight, encouraging my soul with the emotional flowers of reaffirming things about me that I needed to hear at that time, to just feeling the loss with me and telling me they are there for me.  I never felt alone.  I am blessed.

3^rd – IN         My Inward Seeking.  I always talk about self-awareness but I never see how rich and important it really is until I need to tap in to it.  Self-awareness is PARAMOUNT to stability.  I went through these steps introspectively after I received the bad news:

·    I cried

·    I got depressed

·    I got angry

·  I focused on my flesh to try to appease the hurt (almost called someone I should not have to go with me to get that drink)

·   I called and cyber contacted my crew

·   I cried some more

·   I laid down on my bed… literally emotionally “wallowing” in the loss

·   I got up physically and emotionally

·  I read and re-read the sentiments of my friends, thought about my sisterfriend’s words

·   I made my heart still

·   I thought about my kids

·  I thought about my strengths, qualities, worth, strong history and the work I’ve done on my heart and inner-beauty

·   I snapped out of it

I am far too resilient to stay stuck at an impasse that I have endured before with God’s help.  I have been through things that would have made some people cave.  So staying depressed?  Girl, bye!

This queen is made of heart, steel, caramel and glitter.  Being depressed will not permit me to act as such so…. Get that CROWN UP!

Sincerely,

Catherine Elizabeth